|
A Interesting Article First year of marriage is hardest MARRIAGE, as everyone knows, is no walk in the park. And this can be particularly true in the first year.Once the courtship, wedding and honeymoon are over, the couple settledown into daily life. That's the time when fault-lines can appear.Morgan Zhou, 27, a primary school teacher, and his wife Angela, 26, an accounts executive, learnt it the hard way after dating for eight years.Before their marriage in December 2006, they had not lived together,which led to spats about the chores."We had trouble adjusting to each other when we moved in together into our own place," says Mr Zhou."We fought about who would do the washing and ironing, and we would give each other black faces for a while." They realised that they had assumed that things would "somehow get done".It is a common mistake couples make - not discussing the seemingly trivial matters before marriage - which can lead to resentment and bigger fights, say marriage counsellors."Living together is different from the time of courtship," says Dr Peter Chew, obstetrician and gynaecologist, and chairman of the board of aLife, a volunteer- run association which provides counselling services and marriage enrichment courses."Husband and wife are coming from different families with different upbringing, value systems, and attitudes," adds Dr Chew. "It takes timeto adjust."Couples may go through a decline in romance and intimacy, the inabilityto have fun together, and selfishness. They may even fight on which family to spend special occasions - such as Chinese New Year reunion dinners - with."It isn't two people who get married, but six - the couple and the parents of both families," says Dr Chew. The Zhous, however, became clear about expectations regarding housework and made their preferences known on which chores they would like to do. It worked wonders."We both do the washing now," says Mr Zhou. "But Angela does most of the ironing, and in return, I vacuum the house. We've found a synergy that works for us."Spring-cleaning the house before friends come over is an happy occasion for them. They go into over-drive, working together to keep it spick and span.Mr Zhou says that had the fights not been resolved, it could have become overwhelming."It could have got worse if we'd lost sight of the big picture," he says. "But we knew we are committed to a long lasting relationship and to making it work. Divorce isn't an option, so that was a driving force to work out any issues."Marriage counsellors recommend taking a leaf out of the Zhous' book -keep in mind that marriage is for life and that problems can be resolved with open communication. Find a way to deal with your conflict and to speak without hurting feelings.While the first year of marriage can sometimes be difficult, it is also a time of great intimacy and discovery. It sets the stage and builds the foundation for a long-lasting marriage, so relationships experts advise dealing with problems quickly and effectively."Feelings of resentment are easy to overcome, as long as each person is willing to participate in conversation to extinguish these feelings,"said author, relationship writer and lecturer Paul Mauchline.
"It is never too late for dialogue with anyone, especially your loved ones, and, most importantly, your partner."
Blogged @ 8:01 PM |
|
MSN : Click Here
